Always
by KellethMetheus
Summary: Starting after Abyss moving through the events of Chimera, Affinity, Threads and then just before Carter rejoins SG-1 in season 9. A look at what I think might have happened between them after each of those episodes. Re-edited and Complete
1. Abyss

**Author's note**: This is my first SG-1 fic. I had a hard time walking the fine line of too much emotions for Jack and not enough. This is my view of how Jack was able to pull himself together after his time will Ba'al. It was going to be a oneshot but then when Madaline-7 looked at it for me she suggested I continue on with a tag to Chimera (when Jack finds out that Sam was seeing Pete.) and Affinity (when Sam shows him the ring), but it went on from there. In the end it was five chapters, because I had to have a tag to Threads once I saw it and then an ending. So this story is done and I will post the rest quickly.

**AN2:** Thanks to my three Beta's on this story Madaline-7, JennMel, and Enzeru no Yami. You guys helped me a lot. Thanks for you time and patience.

**Me again**: Thank you to Judychild for going over these again and fixing all my typos. This whole story had been done but I only put a note here. Judy you are marvelous **:)**

* * *

Major Samantha Carter sat in her car staring at the house in front of her. It was his house; Jack's. He had been released from the infirmary two days previous and no one had heard from him since. He'd had a scheduled appointment with Janet earlier that morning but hadn't shown up. General Hammond had ordered her to find out what was going on, and here she was.

Part of her wanted to run away from this, but another part of her knew that they had to have this talk. It had been coming for a long time, since Daniel's death… ascension… it really didn't matter; Daniel left them and the Colonel let him go without a fight.

If Daniel was alive, he would be here, not her. This was his job, he was the one who helped them through the horrors they experienced. He had been their conscience and he should be here instead of her. Too many times like this, and they'd cross _that _line, and what they left in that room would spill out and overtake them both. They had maintained the status quo for so long, that she no longer knew if he still felt the same way. They had never talked about how they felt, not specifically, and most certainly not openly. That would bring them too close to that line that neither wanted to, or was ready to cross. Instead, it just hovered there in the air, watching and waiting for a time to explode and hurt everyone involved.

Sam felt anger surge through her again at both Jack and Daniel. Daniel gave up on the life they all had together as a team and as friends. How could Jack let him go without a fight? They needed Daniel, he completed the team, and now there was a huge hole where he had been. He had let Daniel leave them behind. Her heart and soul ached. Six years they had been a team and they had never lost anyone or left them behind until now. In less than a year they lost Daniel forever, and almost lost Jack twice.

Just as Daniel was Jack's fault, Jack was hers. It had been her words that convinced him to take the symbiote when they could not cure his sickness after their trip to Antarctica. Then the symbiote had caused him to be captured and tortured by Ba'al.

They should have fought the Tok'ra and kept Jack with them to make sure he was safe. Now they might lose him forever. Ba'al may have destroyed the Jack O'Neill they knew and she loved. He had been a prisoner of war before, but it was nothing like what he had to endure at Ba'al's hands. How many times can a man die and be revived before he loses his mind and soul?

Laying her head against the steering wheel, she took a deep breath. It was time to get this over with.

Leaving the car, she quickly crossed over to the door and knocked. She was not surprised that there was no answer, but she knew he was home. His truck was in the drive and Jack never walked anywhere if he could help it. That would mean he was either up on the roof, or in the backyard charring meat like always.

Choosing to try the backyard first, she opened the gate. Taking one last deep breath, she stepped up on to the porch and found him sitting there looking off into space. She hadn't known what to expect. She had come here thinking that he would be brooding and angry, not confused and lost. Her heart wrenched; Daniel had told her once how Jack had been on that first Abydos mission. How he was not really functioning and how he wanted to die. She sent a silent prayer to whatever true deity was listening that he had not slid back into that place.

"Colonel." No response. "Sir?" Still no reaction. Crouching down in front of him, she touched his knee, "Jack?" She moved very slowly so that she didn't startle him. Especially considering the state he was in, Colonel Jack O'Neill was not a man to surprise.

He looked down. "Sam?" At her touch, his eyes focused on her. After he spoke her name, he looked away, studying the backyard, not looking at her, afraid of what she might see in his eyes. He knew what was happening and there was very little he could do to stop it. Confused, he studied the yard. Had his mind created this Carter, just as it had created Daniel? Or was he really home with her next to him? "Are you really here? Am I really home? Safe?"

Blue eyes met brown and all her anger drained. Nothing that she was worried about mattered now. If they were going to get the Colonel back, Jack and Sam needed to clear the air.

He had gone through hell in the last few months. He lost Daniel too. He may not have shown it, but he loved and missed Daniel just as much as she did. What had it cost him to let Daniel go? She had never thought about it before, what Daniel meant to Jack. He was the one who had helped Jack step back from the abyss when Charlie died. Now Daniel wasn't here, she was. It was up to her to help Jack step back from this even darker place that pulled at him, and begin to live again. She only hoped the cost would not be too high for him or her.

He told her once that Sarah had helped him when he was a POW, but Sarah was gone. Everything was different this time; he had no one to come home to. His house was empty and he was alone, just like her. Both of them had given up so much, but what else could they do? Too many lives depended on them being SG-1.

Reaching out to him, she squeezed his hand and said, "Jack, I'm real. We're at your house. You're safe - we caused a distraction and you were able to escape from Ba'al. Feel my touch, I'm real."

Lifting his hand, she brought it to her face. Moving his fingers softly across her face and up into her hair, pulling gently, he brought her forehead to meet his. "You're real, this is real. I got away. I made it."

Jack closed his eyes trying to rein in his emotions. "I was sitting here waiting for it to end. To be back in that cell upside down, but I'm here outside. I can smell the grass, feel your hair." He opened his eyes to look at her again. "You were there with me. You told me to hang on, that you would find me and get me out. I just needed to give you time. I just needed to be strong. You would not leave me behind."

He pulled away and stood. Looking out into the night, his shoulders slumped. "But I couldn't. If they had taken me to that room one more time, I would have lost the fight. I was so close to breaking, not even Daniel's presence was enough anymore."

Sam blinked, what was he talking about? Daniel had come to see him? Had Jack lost his mind while he was imprisoned by Ba'al? Was it worse than she thought? She would cross that bridge when she came to it. Now she needed to deal with his depression. She knew that he could not be allowed to wallow in his misery.

Standing slowly, she laid her hand on his shoulder, turning him to face her. "No, I know you, Jack. You would not have given up, not a second time."

He tried to look away but she held his face in her hands. "You would have found the strength to endure. You are the strongest man I know. That strength would have been there, just as it was all those years ago after Abydos. You found something to live for and now you need to do it again. Find something to make your life worth living. You need to find it again, because we need you, I need you."

Pulling out of her grip, he turned away. Running his hand through his hair, he let out a frustrated sigh. "You don't understand. I was going to betray Earth! I was going to betray _YOU!_ I was going to tell him whatever he wanted to know just so that I could die. I wanted to die, I told Daniel to kill me. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wanted it to end, I still do." The last words were so quiet that she almost did not hear them.

Once she absorbed the words, she felt as if she had been slapped. A tear slipped from her eye and it ran down her cheek. "Why would you say that? Look at what we have done, accomplished, sir."

"What have we done, Carter?" The harshness in his voice softened as he said her name. "We kill a Goa'uld and another, more horrible one, takes its place. It's like that monster Daniel mentioned once, you cut off its head and two more grow back. Is the fight ever going to be over? Is it even one we can ever win?"

"I don't know, but we can't just give up. If we do, everything that we have done will be for nothing. All those men who have died, all you have been through before and after the Stargate was first opened, would be meaningless. Everything that we have sacrificed would be pointless."

"Isn't it anyway, Carter? I have given twenty years to the Air Force and a hell of a lot of blood, sweat and tears. All I have to come home to is an empty house, a dead son and an ex-wife. We saved the world, but all I have to look forward to is a crappy pension and bad knees. I have nothing else."

All Sam could do was stare at him in shock. Where was the man she had known for six years? Had Ba'al destroyed him, crushed his spirit enough that he was lost to them, to her? She opened her mouth to speak but realized that she had no idea what to say.

A warm hand fell on her shoulder, squeezing gently and she felt Daniel's presence. His voice whispered in her ear. "It's time to tell him. He needs to hear it, so he can believe it. It's time to face those feelings, they never should have been shut away. It's now or never. Give him the strength he needs." Then just a quickly, it was gone. She turned around, but no one or anything was there.

Taking a deep, breath, she rolled Daniel's words over in her mind. Was this what Jack, meant when he talked about seeing Daniel? At a time when he would have comforted them, we hear ourselves in his voice, offering what we think he would say? Was he really there with her, or did she need him to be? Shaking her head, she hoped that she would do not only what Daniel would but what Jack needed her to do and say. "You can't mean that. What about me and Teal'c? Are you just going to leave us like Daniel did? Walk away from us? I don't believe it." She turned away and her eyes fell on the 9mm lying on the arm of the chair he recently vacated.

Anger rushed through her; he was serious. Picking up the gun she felt her blood run cold. Holding it up, she looked at it and turned it over in her hands, studying it. Was this the same gun that had killed Charlie? Did he truly want to do it or was it just...

No, she would not let it happen. She had lost Daniel, she would not give up Jack too. Daniel was right, it was now or never. Jack needed to know the truth, needed to know that he was not alone. That if he did take his life - Sam shuddered at that thought - he would know what it would do to her as well.

She could never remember taking the steps that brought her to stand in front of him. Blue eyes full of tears met brown full of shame at his admission of weakness. Tears formed but remained unshed. Neither of them said a word. Each waited for the other to speak.

Making a decision, she took his hand and slapped the gun into his open palm. "If you want to die, then do it. Right now. End it, Jack. End your misery. Just remember with that shot you may end your pain but what about me? I already lost Daniel and now you are going to leave me to. I love you, Jack. If you do this, I will never forgive you for giving up on me and and the life we could have someday. Don't do this to yourself, to us. You're not alone, you have us. Let Teal'c and I help you through this, just like Daniel did on Abydos."

Not being able to stay any longer; she turned and fled.

She wanted to leave and not look back, but she could not resist one last look at Jack O'Neill. He stood there still staring at the gun in his palm. He looked up and their eyes met and she said it one more time with her eyes, "I love you, Jack. I'm still waiting, I always will be."

The gun fell to the ground with a clatter and Jack crumpled. His body shook with sobs but he made no sound.

Sam went to him and gathered him into her arms, and held him. Nothing more was said. But Jack did find something to live for. She told him again, that she loved him. That she was still waiting for him, waiting for them. That she would always wait for him. Jack let the warmth of her arms into his chilled body. As he stepped back from the abyss, Jack took strength in the promise of always.

* * *

AN3: If you want to hate me and think this is totally out of character for Jack, I defer to the original Stargate movie. In that movie our first shot of Jack was him sitting on the bed staring at what I assume was the gun that killed Charlie. That time in his life was a very dark time and after what he went through with Ba'al I can see him going back there. I don't think he would have killed himself if Carter had not shown up but he did not see a way out in this one moment for himself just like in Ba'al cell when he told Daniel that he had no other choice but to die.

Let me know if you loved it or hated it. I will post the rest over the next few days.


	2. Chimera

**Authors note**: I'm amazed at the response I have gotten from all of you. I thought I would post it because so many of you added it to your alert lists so if you want to next chapter quickly you will have to review.

**AN2:**This is a tag to Chimera and what happened between Sam and Jack after the end of the episode. Read and review make me a happy camper.

* * *

After the fight with Osiris, Jack had come into the infirmary looking for Doc Frasier, but she had already left for the night. No one in the infirmary had been in any danger and Dr. Warner was there, so she had taken Cassie to the basketball game she had wanted to see, while things were calm. Jack had nosed around a bit hoping to find Dr. Warner and get something for his knee, but what he found had hurt him much more than his knees ever did.

Standing in the doorway of the isolation room, he found Pete and Carter together. Seeing them like that, he was glad he found out about them yesterday in the elevator. It would have hurt much more to find out this way. Without time to prepare to see his Sam in another man's arms, Jack was unsure how he would have reacted.

Now he stood in the doorway feeling like a voyeur, but knowing he had to see them together, to see if it was true, that she was happy. No matter how much it hurt, he could see that she was. He had never seen her so relaxed. This man was better for her than he ever could be. Pete's life wasn't a black sensor mark like Jack's was. Everything was locked away where he or no one else could reach it. Sam had come the closest to getting behind those walls. Now he had lost her, lost the opportunity to be happy again.

She had told him on that cold night that she would wait for him, but he did not blame her for not doing so. She was young and deserved happiness, deserved to love and be loved. What could he offer her but a broken man with a black soul? Part of him always knew it would end this way, he had his chance at happiness and a good life, and he destroyed it. Carter was his penance; he could love her but never touch her, could never be with her.

He turned away slowly. Maybe it was time to totally let her go, give her a command. She was more than ready for it and she deserved it. It would make a clean break for her and him. Give him the space to pick up the pieces.

He hoped to be able to just leave but he could not resist one last look at her, to see her once more. Across the room their eyes met. Hers pleaded for understanding and his gave it. Nothing was said but everything was understood. Then he turned and left. This time he did not look back.

* * *

As he disappeared, Sam closed her eyes to stop the tears. Her hands clenched and Pete flinched at her touch. Helping him lay back down, she tried to smile, though it did not touch her eyes. Pete did not seem to notice her distance as the medication pulled him back into sleep.

Looking back at the empty doorway, Sam thought that it should not hurt like this, but it did. It hurt both of them. She had promised to wait, but she hadn't and he had forgiven her.

It wasn't that she didn't love Jack, she did, more than she should her because he was her CO. She knew that she always would, but she had to try to be happy with someone else. She had to know if there was another way - if she could love someone else.

She would love Jack O'Neill always, but she hoped there was room in her heart left for Pete. Her experience on the Prometheus had confused her as well as enlightened her. The little girl reminded her of herself at that age, but also of Jack. How could her delusions ask her to move on when she had a glimpse of what she could have with him? Still, she had to try. She had to know if there was another way, or she would always wonder. Just as quickly her mind flipped it around. Now wouldn't she always wonder the same thing about Jack? Could they be together if she waited just a little longer?

Sam shook her head, she had made her choice. It was Pete who she should be thinking about, not Jack and her delusions. She forced herself to look at the sleeping man but her gaze was pulled back to the empty doorway.

With a mental slap she turned away from the door to stare at Pete's hands. This is who she had chosen and she would see it through. Steeling herself she took Pete's hand and waited for him to wake up again.

* * *

Jack did not get far before he couldn't contain his anger anymore. He wanted to slam his fist into the wall to give himself another kind of pain but he knew it would be a stupid thing to do. Leaning against the wall, he locked away his anger and pain, shutting out any emotions, as he had taught himself to do. It was better not to feel anything, to be numb.

He thought he could do it, just walk away from her, but he couldn't. It was over now and he would just have to live with the pain; he was good at that. He should have told her sooner but he had thought he had time. That there would always be time.

After she was lost on the Prometheus, he had made plans. He had talked to the General and together they created an arrangement. He was going to retire but stay on to the train the new recruits. This would make sure the newbies were ready and understood what they were facing out there. That way he and Sam could be together and he would still been able to watch over her, to be on hand if he was needed. Yesterday he was going to tell her, it was all settled. Then she was humming and he knew it was too late. After leaving Carter in the elevator, he had gone to Hammond and told him to forget the plan. It no longer mattered. His reasons no longer mattered.

He took a deep breath, none of that mattered now, she had moved on. She had found someone else to love her, but he would not let her go just yet. She was on his team and he would keep her safe, safe to love another man and be happy without him.

Daniel had come looking for Jack and he found him leaning against the wall for support as he tried to get control of his emotions. He knew that he should announce his presence but he waited to allow Jack the time he needed.

As he watched, Jack built a wall around his pain, brick by brick. Daniel had seen Sam and Pete together and he understood what this was costing Jack, to let her go, to let her love another. Jack was not a man who loved very easily and to give up that love would be very painful. He only hoped that it would not destroy them all.

He didn't remember much from his time as an ascended being, but for some reason he did recall his time with Jack in Ba'al's cell and later on Jack's porch with Sam. He knew they needed each other but they were too stubborn to see it.

Jack turned to leave and Daniel called his name. The older man turned around and spoke his friend's name. Everything that needed to be said was locked in one word.

"How are you doing?" Daniel asked, knowing that he would only get half an answer.

"Peachy, and I don't want to talk about it." Jack replied, pinning Daniel with one of his glares.

"But Jack..." He would not let him slip back into the hole Jack was in when they met. If Jack let Sam go, that was a possibility, he would fall in and never be able to pull himself out. Daniel had stood back and let the two of them live their lives but they were going to destroy one another if they kept this up.

"Ahk-don't want to talk about it." And he started to walk away, hoping that Daniel would just let him go.

"Pizza – my place with Teal'c?" Daniel asked hopefully. Jack needed to be with his friends, not alone and brooding.

Jack stopped mid step and Daniel saw the tension bleed from the older man's shoulders. "Sure, sounds great. I'll see you in an hour. I still don't want to talk about it, though."

Daniel watched him walk away and hoped that it would be all right, but there was still a chance for a happy ending right up until Sam said 'I do'. Daniel hoped that it never got that far. He headed down the hall to find Teal'c and drink lots of water, he was going to need it. Tonight was going to be one of those nights.

Walking down the hall, Jack touched the small box in his pocket one last time. He had lost Sam, but tomorrow was another day, when the world would need to be saved and she would be there at his side. She might not be his to love but he would take her presence in his life any way he could. As long as she was on his team, he would protect her always, even if she was with someone else.

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Come on please tell me if you loved it or hated it.....


	3. Affinity

**Authors note**: Wow, thank you guys for those who have added this story to their alerts and the one person who said it was a favorite. To those who reviewed a huge thank you. I hope I had time to respond to you all. Thank you for your comments you make me blush **;) **Keep the reviews coming and this story will be all there before you know it. Two more chapters after this one.

**AN2:** This one takes place in the middle of Affinity just after Sam shows Jack the ring box. The other events don't really matter but the rest of the episode deals with Teal'c moving off base and meeting a stupid young woman with a nasty boyfriend.

* * *

Jack sat in his office with his blinds drawn, blocking him from anyone's view. His door was usually open and he was approachable, but when Walter opened the door a few minutes ago, he was met with a glare that caused him to shut the door again without a word.

Now an airman stood outside the door warning everyone away, unless the world was in imminent danger and the General was really needed.

The man in question was grateful for the privacy to think about this new development. When Sam had just been dating that guy Pete it was one thing, but now that there was a ring involved. Seeing that ring had torn a gaping wound where a healing sore had been. Since she had told him about Pete, he had tried to hide his broken heart and Jack thought that he had done pretty well, but there were a few moments in that last year where his wall had fallen and emotions had escaped that little room where they were locked away. It was in these few moments his pain had shown through.

He missed the closeness he and Sam had shared as SG-1 and as friends, but that was all gone now. He had only been able to reclaim it for a few small moments since the day she was humming in the elevator. The first time had been just after they defeated the Kull warrior, and again when Janet died. Jack realized that he had a part of Carter that Pete never would. The same was true in reverse. They had been through fire together and forged a strong bond that nothing could break. Both of those incidents had given him hope that one day he would have it back, but today that hope was extinguished.

He knew what she wanted him to say, but he couldn't. As long as the Gou'ald were still out there they had no future. Neither of them were willing to sacrifice the world to be together. They knew the stakes and they accepted them, even if it meant sacrificing their happiness. If Carter thought that she could be happy with this Pete guy, he would not stand in her way; he loved her that much.

She would come to him when she needed him. He understood who she was better than Pete ever could. Just like she had when he foolishly downloaded that Database into his head again. She wanted to make sure he knew how she felt before he died, if he died. Just as she tried to find out how he felt with her stumbling question earlier, "What about you? If things had been different ..." Those words repeated over and over in his head. He knew what she wanted him to say but how could he? Someday, maybe, was that anyway to live? No, he couldn't do that to her any longer. She had Pete and she loved him, Sam would have a chance to be happy, even if they could not be happy.

But did she mean what he thought she meant? Her word could have meant so many things; Sarah, Charlie or regulations. But which of those she did mean? Would his answer be the same or would it have been different? Could he have walked away from Carter and the team, to have Sam in his life? Leaving them to save the world without him. It had been hard enough when she was missing and he had to find her before that Kull guy. How would he have felt not knowing what was happening and been unable to help her?

He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. This year had been hell for both of them. Too many times they had met death toe to toe and some of their friends had not stepped back again. He thought after the Kull thing and Janet's death that she might...might what? Come back to him? Stay his little 2IC with no life, looking at him with adoring eyes? Is that really what he wanted for her, was he that selfish? He still had the ring....

He shook his head, no not really, but he didn't want her with, well, Pete. Heck he'd even take Daniel over that short stumpy guy.

Sighing heavily, he decided to get to work. He would not influence her decision one way or the other, this whole thing was her choice, not his.

When he searched through the papers that littered his desk, he came across another velvet box much like the one he had held earlier. It stared back at him mocking him and his failure to speak to her in time.

Cursing, he threw the box across the room. Slamming out of the room he did not look back. He wandered the halls looking for an answer, where he knew there was none.

Sam stared after Jack, wondering at his answer and looked back at the velvet box in her palm. Part of her wished that it was another ring inside the box from another person, namely Jack. Was Pete really what she wanted or was he safe, safer than even Jack? She didn't love Pete the same way she loved Jack. This meant that Pete couldn't hurt her the same way that Jack could.

Each time Jack went missing or was hurt, her heart was slowly pulled from her chest until she saw him alive and well again. It hurt so much with Jack, and yet only a few months ago Pete had been stabbed while making an arrest. She had not felt the anxious rush to be at his side as she did with Jack; that alone made Pete safe.

It hurt so much to be around Jack that she wasn't sure if she could do this anymore. To be so close to him and not touch him, hold him, or love him. She couldn't have Jack but she could have Pete. Sure Jack said he wouldn't be here if things were different, but they weren't. They couldn't be together no matter what they did. Neither was ready to walk away and leave the other's six unprotected.

Throwing the tool onto the bench, she rubbed her temples. She hated relationship stuff. Nothing left her more confused and feeling less confident about herself than her relationships with men. It was why she had stayed with Jonas Hanson for so long. It was one of the reasons why she had avoided another relationship for so long, she just hated how they made her feel. Except with Jack, she felt it could be different.

There was the first relationship, a very loose term, when she knew where she stood with him and what she meant to him. Even though neither of them said a word, they did not lie to one another or make false promises because they weren't needed. Both of them knew the cost of being together and neither one wanted to be the reason the world or the universe was destroyed. She knew Jack loved her and she him, but regulations and their ranks were in the way. She knew how much it hurt him to let her go, but the fact that he had anyway only made her love him more.

Stopping her pacing, she looked at the box again. There was the next step, she knew she loved Pete, but did she love him enough the share every part of her life with him? As long as the world needed saving, there was no chance for her and Jack to have their happiness together. That meant if she wanted that life, kids and the white fence, she had to find it with someone else and give up any chance to be with Jack.

This might be her last chance for happiness. Pushing away the thought that she was deciding this for the wrong reasons, she slipped the ring on her finger. She would marry Pete but she would love Jack always.

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Let me know if you liked it. Two more and then we will be at the end, review and you can see the ending much faster.


	4. Threads

Authors note: Due to all the reviews, alerts and favorites I have decided to add the last two chapters today. I have to say that I am amazed at the reaction that this little fic has got. I have put stuff up before but never had a response like you guys. I love you all and thank you for making my week. I'm trying to finish something else for you guys.

AN2: This chapter takes place before the fishing scene at the end of Threads. It is my view on what happened between our favorite couple after Jacob's death and why Sam felt she was able to go to the cabin with Jack.

* * *

Once again, Sam Carter sat in her car outside Jack O'Neill's house trying to work up the nerve to go to the door. Three hours ago she had given Pete back the ring and now she needed to talk to Jack. No, if she was honest with herself, she needed to see Jack and to have him hold her like he did just before her father died. He told her he would be there always and now she needed him, and the comfort and strength that came with his presence.

She turned her eyes to the house. The last time she showed up unannounced Kerry Johnson had been there with Jack and she might be in there again. Seeing another woman on his porch had shown her that she was not the only one who could move on, that if she could be happy with someone else so could he. Most of all, it showed Sam where she wanted to be and with whom. She wanted to be the one to eat Jack O'Neill's burnt steaks and groan at the Simpsons every night. She wanted to wake up next to him each morning. She wanted to be happy and the key to her happiness was in that house, she only had to gather up the courage to go and take it.

Earlier today she had met Kerry Johnson in the hallway outside Jack's office. The other woman had stopped in front of Sam and looked at her with understanding, "He's all yours, take care of him. Don't waste it." As she had walked away, Sam had seen sadness in the other women's eyes. That was why later Jack came to her as she watched her father slip away and made her the promise to be there for her always. She had known that he was there, but it was another thing to hear it spoken. In that one word, she knew he was free to love her again.

Then later when she was sitting at home alone, she remembered that the Jack, her delusion Jack had said the same thing. Was it a sign that they still had a chance- that always was possible. That she had to be with someone else to realize what she truly wanted and that was- always with Jack.

Laying her head on the steering wheel, she called herself an idiot. If she was smart she would just start her car and drive away leaving all these emotions behind, but she couldn't, not tonight. She didn't want to be alone. Not after she had just lost her father. She wanted someone to hold her, and she wanted that person to have known and loved her father too. She wanted to be with someone who would share her grief, and Jack did.

Sam needed someone to comfort her and tell her it will be all right, that the sun will come out again and the hurt will end or at least get better. That she would be able to live with the pain.

A knock on the window startled her and she looked up to find Jack staring at her. "Are ya coming in or you gonna sit out here all night? I brought you a blanket if you are going to stay out here, but if you want to come in you can. No one else is here and we can talk or... not."

He held up the offered item but it was raining so hard that it was soaked and useless. She knew what he was trying to say - Kerry was out of his life and if she needed him he was free to be there. Nodding her head she said, "I'll come in." Pulling the keys from the ignition, she opened the car door. As she climbed out into the rain, Jack held the sopping blanket over their heads as they dashed into the house.

Once in the entryway, they shook what water they could from themselves. Jack disappeared into the small bathroom off the entryway for towels and Sam decided to tell him about Pete before she lost her nerve. "I gave Pete back his ring. I couldn't marry him. Watching Dad slip away I realized that Pete wasn't really what I wanted." There was so much more they could say but she stopped.

Offering her a towel, Jack seemed unsure of what to say, "Well okay then." He motioned for her to lead the way into the living room.

Both of them remembered the last time they had stood in this room. She had come here needing to talk to him about how she felt in case he died from the ancient database in his head. They had come so close to losing him that time, but he had somehow pulled through, just like she had done when Fifth had captured her.

Her eyes were drawn back to the picture of a younger happier Jack with his wife and child. Not long after that picture was taken, Charlie was dead and Jack and Sarah were no longer talking. She asked him if he still talked to Sarah and he sighed, "No, I don't talk to her at all. She remarried and moved to Denver. She has a three year old little girl named Michaela. I get a Christmas card from her each year and I don't send one in return."

Touched by his admission, she reached out and grazed his cheek with her fingertips. He turned into her hand, "I still miss Charlie and I'll miss Jake. He was a great man."

At the rush of pain, her eyes closed, "Yes, he was. I'm just glad I got to know him as an adult. I missed out on so much for so long because I was angry at him. We could have had so much more time together. I wasted it."

Just like when Janet died he said, "C'mere." As he enfolded her in a hug. This time he couldn't resist burying his face in her neck. "You were with him in the end when it mattered." His voice was muffled against her neck.

She began to cry silently as she absorbed his strength. "The last thing he said to me was that he loved me. I had gotten used to the idea that the last time I would see him would be at my deathbed. He was supposed to outlive me. He should have been able to see my children and their children, but now he's gone. I didn't think I would have to go through this. I understand why it happened, suddenly everything was in chaos. The Replicators were here, Anubis was bent on universal domination. I know Dad and Selmak gave themselves to help us win, to make it safe for the children I would have someday. They gave their lives so I could be happy. I realized that to make that gift worthy of their sacrifice, I should be as happy at I could be. That meant taking a chance on the fact that you still might love me after everything I have done."

Pulling away enough to look at face, she searched for some sign that she was right. It was there, in his eyes was something she had not seen since that night on his porch. Taking a deep breath, Sam continued, "He told me not to let the rules stand in my way. That I can still have everything I want. I knew he meant you, Jack. That I can have you, if I want to make the sacrifices to have you, and I do. I was going to marry Pete for all the wrong reasons. I thought that he was my last chance for happiness and that if I couldn't have you, anyone would do. The closer the wedding got, the more I realized that although I loved Pete, it was not the same as with you. I saw that he loved me more than I loved him and that it wasn't fair to him, because you would always be there in my thoughts. Jack, I love you. I'm sorry that I gave up on us."

Her sobs increased and he maneuvered them to sit on the couch. "Shh, it's alright, you don't have to say another word." He pulled back a little to see her face, "Sam," the name rolled off his tongue for the first time in years, "I love you too and I always will."

Pulling her close again, he looked over at the neglected velvet box on the shelf next to a picture of SG-1. It seemed that it might be time to carry it around in his pocket again. He was getting another chance and he would not waste it this time.

Burying her face in his shoulder, she cried for her father and everyone else they had lost. No promises were made as they took shelter in each other, only knowing that tomorrow would bring them a very different world. That their love could sustain whatever the new day brought them, because they would be together always.

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Please let me know if you loved it or hated it.....

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	5. Just before Beachhead

Authors note: This is the last chapter. When I started to write these chapters after Abyss I thought that I would be able to span this story across the last two season using only the little bit that were dropped throughout various episodes, but I couldn't, I just couldn't leave them apart for that long. I have what was going to be the end to this story and I will publish it once I am happy with it. It takes place just after Carter arrives home from Atlantis.

AN2: I couldn't remember which episode Carter rejoined Sg-1 but that is the time frame for this one. This is her last weekend assigned to Area 51 before she asked to be transfered back. If anyone remembers the name let me know if a review. This is the end and let me know if you enjoyed it and if it lived up to the earlier parts of the story.

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Sam paced the confines of the small cabin. She looked at her watch again. It was only two minutes since the last time she looked. Next she checked her phone, no missed calls. Jack was beginning to worry her. They had arranged to meet in the middle and he was late.

It would not usually worry her but Sam had something important to tell him. They had a plan and now she had to abandon it. She would hurt him but it had to be done and it hurt her as well.

She was just about to look at her watch again when she heard the car pull up. She stood there trying to contain her emotions, but when he stepped from the car, Sam could stand it no longer.

He accepted her into his arms and kissed her. It was all so bitter sweet and he knew something was wrong. "Let's go inside - I brought dinner. We can talk after we eat. Let's just have tonight and then we can say goodbye."

Sam tried to stop the tears but they continued to fall, "I don't want to..."

"Ah!" Jack held up his finger, "Tonight, give us one last night and then we can say goodbye."

She nodded and allowed herself to be gathered up into his arms again. They stayed that way for a long time lying to each other that nothing had changed. Later they sat down to the cold takeout. Sam didn't eat hers but pushed it around the plate hoping it looked like she was eating.

Every once and a while their eyes would meet only to look down at the food that neither of them had touched.

Eventually Sam pushed her food away and got to her feet. "I can't do it. I can't pretend anymore. Jack, I..." She turned away, staring into the fireplace.

"Sam, I know. The minute Daniel's report came over my desk, I knew you would have to return to SG-1. Mitchell was too pushy, and now the Ori have found us he was right. I knew you could resist while the world was safe, but the minute that changed - we changed. It was no longer just about us and our happiness. I knew you couldn't sit on the sidelines and I won't ask you to." He sounded resigned, no anger or any other emotion in his voice.

She stood there shocked, "You are just going to let me go, without a fight? Don't you love me? Was this all for show?" She gestured to the cabin and the space between them.

Jack stood and swept all the food to the floor. The plates and glasses clattered to the floor shattering like their dreams. "No, I don't want you to go. I want to keep you there at Area 51, safe and protected, but I can't. I won't do that to you or me. You are needed out there and if Earth lost to the Ori because of us, I would never forgive myself and neither would you." Just as quickly as the anger appeared it vanished again, leaving Jack drained.

Not knowing what to say, she curled up against him, "It's not fair. We gave up eight years of our lives and now we have to give up more. We have paid our dues and now we should be allowed to be happy, but you're right. I can't stay there in the labs with my head buried in the sand. I want to just walk away, but I can't." Her voice trembled.

"I would love to be out there continuing to fight at your side, but I have a different battle to fight. I have my place and you have yours. I hate it and I hate not being with you to make sure you are safe, but we both know that I'm no longer able to be in the field, but I can't walk away, any more that you can just so we can be together."

She relaxed against his chest, "Maybe I can use the toaster and the microwave to build a time dilation device and then we can stay here in this moment forever."

Dropping a kiss on the top of her head, "I would like nothing better, but we can't. Sam we have tonight, let's not waste anymore of it. Let's clean up and start the fire. For tonight, we can shut out the world and I can tell you that I love you. Tomorrow I can't do that."

Grabbing the garbage can from the kitchen, they cleaned up the mess and sat down in front of the fire trying to hold on to the moment, but it slipped away.

Jack touched the box in his pocket. He had carried it for so long and now it seemed like he would carry it forever. It no longer looked new. The velvet had been worn away in places from his fingers touching it. Looking over at Sam, he studied her face trying to memorize every feature.

He was about to speak when she said, "What if we get married before I put in the transfer? What would that mean? What could they do? We got married while I was out of your chain of command and events forced me to come back into it? Could you make a call to Air Force One and see what we can do?" Sam asked.

Jack was stunned by her suggestion. Those were the last words he expected to come out of her mouth. He had been thinking about marriage for a long time and now it seemed so had she. Sam Carter was not someone who made decisions like that, at the spur of the moment. She was a thinker and a planner, to know that she loved him enough to throw caution to the wind made her words mean so much more than she knew.

He swallowed before answering her, "I think we should just do it and the consequences be damned. We deserve something. I know the judge down in town - let me make a call to him and we can be married by midnight tonight. What do you think?" Sam could only nod. This was happening so fast but she didn't want to stop it. Jack smiled the smile that was only for her. "Then I have something for you then." Jack pulled the sad looking box from his pocket and opened it showing her the ring inside.

Sam stared at it amazed, "How long have you had this?"

"Too long. I almost lost you Samantha Carter and I won't make that mistake again. I love you and I want you to be my wife. Marry me tonight and we will find out the consequences tomorrow." Jack picked the ring up in his fingers and slid it on to her finger.

With tears in her eyes, Sam said only one word, "Yes."

Jack pulled her into his arms and the box fell to the floor forgotten, but now it no longer mattered. Sam was going to be his wife and nothing could stop it. Tonight was the first day of the rest of their lives and she would always be his.

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The is the end and thanks for coming with me on my journey. If you liked it let me know, reviews make me smile.

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